Domination

Domination

           There are many areas in a person's life that we must learn and know how to dominate. But first, I would to tell you a story about how I came to discover the importance of dominance. When I was younger I was pretty good at being who I am, i.e., I don't remember being particularly unhappy in high school or grade school. In grade school, I do remember being a shy kid. I hardly talked to anyone. I was reserved. People would approach me, especially little girls. Before you start judging me for my joy in having little girls approach, you should understand that I was young then, and having little girls approach me those days can be described as a combination of fear and excitement. As I made the gradual ascent into adolescence, I realize that I started to become much more popular. I was a young Van Wilder: someone who could make people laugh and win over a room. I also gathered the general discontent, dissatisfaction, and disapproval of teachers and students alike. Of course if you're doing so well in embracing a spotlight, a little bit of envy is to be expected. Anyways, as I got closer to the end of high school, a bad break-up had me convinced that I was a victim of some unfortunate upbringing that allowed for my anxiety of feelings of worthless push a lot of important people away. Indeed I had it rough. I grew up in a single parent household for the majority of life, never fully embracing what it means to have a real Christmas or birthday party with family. I was a victim of bullying. I became a bully. I mean, my childhood wasn't all sandboxes and cartoons. And so, deep down I felt like my upbringing is responsible for my lack of empathy: my inability to feel that this girl truly loved me and pushing her away regardless, for my insecurities: in being unable to trust her. Perhaps it was the lack of love as a child I received that made me who I am today.

            There are obviously two routes in going about this, but they both require the same thing: ACCEPTANCE. 

            The first part of acceptance was me accepting this as part of who I am, and living the self-fulfilling prophecy that becomes of it. In other words, I would accept the fact that I am a product of my upbringing, a victim and a victimizer, and continue to play that role for the rest of my potentially tragic and heartbreaking existence. I would forever accept the fact that I am, well you know, messed up and messed up is what I will forever be. I went through this part of acceptance already. I thought this about myself for a while, and continued to play out this role, and continued to make the same mistakes. Essentially, I didn't see what I was doing as wrong, even though I acknowledged it was wrong and knew deep down it was wrong, I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, change myself to prevent myself from making the same mistake again. I could not integrate the mistake into my "to be fixed" part of my brain. I do not know whether that is owed to the fact that I refused to believe I was making a mistake, or worse, I could not tell that I was making a mistake because of my insatiable thirst for drama and to play this role. 

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             The second part of acceptance is what I would like to rephrase as domination. Although domination is another concept, word, and/or theory, it connects rather appropriately with the discussion of today. If you were to look up the definition of domination, it would become evident that the meaning entails complete control or exercise of control of someone or something. Domination applied here is used to refer the use of control of what our circumstances are how we choose to view them. Perhaps, you, like me, have been dealt a bad hand in life, and growing up you felt both pain and popularity, but evidently the pain took over, and whether knowingly or unknowingly you became a victim. That was the role you decided to play. For a while now, you have probably been deeply engrossed in such a role, so much so that you currently believe you are a victim. But you should know that you are not, no matter what you have been through you can still be happy. You can still become the best possible version of yourself. You can fall in love with yourself again. 

           It is easy. In fact so easy that all it requires is a mindset shift. Rather than believing your past experiences to be negative; as painful events in your life that haunt you in the form of stress and anxiety that you carry with you in your day to day activities, you should know that some people go through unfortunate events only to realize that those events made them who they are in a positive way. For example, I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds where Agent Hotchner comes face to face with his doppelganger: A killer with a traumatic childhood. Although Agent Hotchner is nowhere near a killer, he does endure a painful childhood and during the final encounter with this killer, Agent Hotchner tells him that although he endured a tough childhood much like the killer, he decided on choosing a different path for him, one that was for the betterment of society, one that would put serial killers away. 

        You see, both the killer and Agent Hotchner had a similar childhood but made a very different choice about how it would impact their life. One chose to be a victim of circumstances and let that define his existence for the rest of his life, the other let those circumstances fuel him to be the best that he can be. You too can make that choice. You too should strive to be the best that you can do. With what time we have left in our lives, we certainly owe it to ourselves. 

         I now know that I have made a lot of mistakes in the past. Mistakes that I will never make again. I know that I endured a different childhood from most, but rather than let that destroy whatever saintliness that makes a part of my personality, it fuels me to write, to learn and to become the best I can be at everything I do.