Monday, December 31, 2018

The Art of Self-Compassion

The Art of Self-Compassion

           In an earlier article, I discussed two different components of the self

             Have you ever felt guilty for the way you feel? Do you have something that’s weighing you down? Is it preventing you from experiencing true and everlasting happiness? Well, welcome to the club of everyone.

              Wait. What is this club of everyone? It is this club where everyone, including you and I, have the same issues and problems. And- even though I may be the one writing this article, it does not mean that I am not burdened with some issues or baggage that I carry with me on a daily basis. Yes, it’s true. We all feel guilty for something.


               But I’ve recently discovered that part of the reason why we suffer is because we allows ourselves to. We suffer in silence. We believe that no one understands us, and that no one is going through some of their own ish. Bull-ish. Everyone has problems, and you would be surprised with the amount of people that can relate to whatever it is that you are dealing with. So suffer in silence no more. Sometimes, all it takes is to open up to someone to find out how normal you are. The right person can even make you feel appreciated, and hopefully they tell you, rather sternly to let go and forgive. 

The Wolf

It's cold. Not the kind of cold where you turn the shower on, and noticeably you're hit with a sudden splash of cold that rips through your entire body like you have just been struck by thunder. No. This is the kind of cold that is the cold look on your eyes when all life has been is a heaping pile of bullshit. It’s the cold truth: that loneliness is the only thing you’ll ever get accustomed too. It’s the cold air that gently kisses your arms hair because you know you’re ready. You’ve been ready. In fact, you were born ready. You know you’ve survived the odds before, and here you stand, alone, but ready to survive the odds again.

              I am naturally an introverted personality. In English, this means I’m much more reserved than the average person. I derive most of my energy from being alone, and spending time with myself, and further, getting things done on my own. This doesn’t mean I don’t get along with, or like hanging out with other people. Of course I do. It is just not the type of environment I thrive in. I’m much more dependant on proper preparation and planning than my extroverted counterparts, who for the most part, are spontaneous and can just wing and excel in any social situation. They like talking, I like writing. I like planning, they like spontaneity. Although it can be argued that the introverted personality doesn’t necessarily relate in any way to the lone wolf syndrome, I believe it is the fact that I am introverted that, essentially moulded me into a lone wolf.

              I grew up liking a lot of the stuff everyone else did. I was into video games, sports, girls, guys, pretty much anything a normal adolescent was into.
No matter what it is you believe you’re missing out on... You are not really missing out on anything. Why? Simply because none of any of that stuff really matters unless you are truly happy with yourself. If there are certain goals you have and have yet to accomplish them, then having a great time with friends would only serve to be counter-productive. It is actually okay to be alone whilst you’re out accomplishing your dreams, because to be happy with yourself will make these trials of solitude, these times of loneliness all worth it in the end.

We live in an age of social media, where the vast majority of population is preoccupied with trying to garner fake approval and validation from people they hardly know. Whilst the herd is out chasing facades and fictitious self-empowerment, or false sense of identity, they are losing touch with what is most important in life.



1. Originality

            One of the defining characteristics of a lone wolf is his ability to be unique and original. The ideas he possesses are a culmination of a shaky, treacherous, life terrain that he/she has trekked in order to be the person they are today. What defines them, is their unique perspectives, their original framework in which they view life, and their ability to be set a part from the crowd. As stated earlier, we live in a world of social media, in which being part of a crowd is the most desired. We all want to fit in. But the lone wolf personality has cultivated his aura from unique upbringing and detached social presence. He or she is person of their own image. They do not follow, but rather, they are born leaders in their own right. They provide to any context their very own, unique, perspective. This is achieved through their originality and individuality. It’s been argued that a lone-wolf, who is often socially reserved, may not achieve much or advance themselves in the social sphere, but in the next point I argue otherwise.

                                                              2. Calculation

           The lone-wolf personality is often less impulsive and more calculated in their actions. Everything they do has passed their very own filtration system, and it is with careful consideration that they embark on any task. Introverts, although they may not be the first to jump into a social situation headfirst, they take their time to carefully plan and consider a variety of factors before contributing to any social context. Their ability to plan and prepare is what gives them the ability to excel in scenarios that require critical thought for success. Sure, they may be risk takers, but their desire to be certain and to ensure a predetermined outcome unveils according to plan, is what trumps a spontaneous decision made my extroverts. Where careful thought and consideration is required, the introverted lone-wolf prevails. 


           The life of an introvert can be really hard. They are often timid. They prefer to write rather than speak, and often because of their timidity their voice goes unheard. It is a very sad thought. As described in the aforementioned points, the lone-wolf’s personality is sometimes a refreshing touch, and their carefully thought out plans can be a great contribution both to someone’s personal life and in business. Where people are trying to fit in, often with great struggles, the desire to be different can serve to be the polarizing presence that allows others to relax and be O.K. with just being themselves. Often what we lack and what desperately need can be modeled from or simply just gazed upon from the introverted personality. When we’re stuck and trying to figure out what we need to get done, and what we value most in life, we can think of the lone-wolf who has been struggling even harder to figure themselves out, and model their ability to really think deeply about what we want most in life. To be able to be accustomed to letting go, as the lone-wolf would attest to, is something we should become O.K. with as well.

So: To my lone-Wolves out there. Be O.K. with being different. Though the road may be hard and lonely, your ability to be unique and to be well prepared will make you stand out. In a good way. You are a wolf and you should be ok with being without sheep’s clothing. You will make it. Like you always have. Stay forever true to yourself and strong. You can overcome anything. You’ve been through a lot already, and nothing can stand in the way of your own personal success, whatever that may be. This is my promise to you.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

The Most Important Thing


My eyes blink. The light outside is a little bright today, too bright for my eyes that it causes me to squint. I take a deep breathe in. As I let the air out, I see that my breath creates a cloud of misty smoke. I watch it as it lifts, rising slowly into invisible nonexistence. It fades away, and my eyes stay transfixed as after that mist I gone, I notice the clouds. Clouds crawling gently over the sky, inching closer and closer towards more carefreeness and ease. And I watch the clouds moving slowly across the blue canvas, I feel lighter. I feel like there is weight leaving my body. It is then...I start to realize...all my worries...they were like that mist that melted and merged into the atomosphere. They were leaving me. A smile spread across my face. Go. I don’t need you.


This is the power of presence. No I’m not talking the presence of spirits or demons or whatever else supernatural ish you may be into. No, this is not that kind of blog. The presence I mean here, is to be in the ‘Now’, that is, to be fully aware of what is going on not only inside of you but outside of you as well.

When you are focused on the present moment, it allows you to pay less mind to your thoughts. I’m not saying that thoughts are bad, some thoughts may be beneficial for you. There may be times where you need to think before you act, or think before you say something, and in these instances, some deep thinking and evaluation may be required. Other times, there may thoughts that are negative. By negative here, I mean, thoughts that cause you worry or concern. More specifically, these are thoughts that either surround events in the past, or they may worries about how things may turn out for you in the future.

Why worry about the past? The past is long and gone. There is nothing you can do to rewrite the history that is your past. Everything that occurred in your past has been etched into its place in your life’s timeline and no amount of thinking is going to correct or alter that period in time. Why focus on that? All that is wasted thoughts and energy consuming images, be it negative or positive, about something you can never change. Take a look around you. Isn’t there something you can focus on now that is much more beautiful? Is there not something you can focus on that can help you relax? (like your breathing for example).

Why worry about the future? The future for you is inevitable. It will come wash over you like a wave of fresh air. It will be the product of what you did NOW to create it. What you focus on right now is what will be directly involved in what tomorrow looks like. After all, what is tomorrow? The future. So whether it’s reading a book, taking someone out on a date, or just staying inside and watching Netflix, the more act of doing that will translate into what will become tomorrow. So what you do today will the reason you are the way you are tomorrow. The present is what makes the future. It is in this moment that you must decide what you want to do, to create the future you desire. What does focusing on the future NOW do? All it does it create unnecessary stress and anxiety over something that has not happened yet. Stress and worry may only serve to make the situation worse. In an emotional and tended state, you may make a rash decision that could create a future other than the one you wanted. It’s always better to stay calm. Focus on what you can change. Focus on right now.

The most important lesson in life is to be focused on the present moment. It is to pay close attention to your feelings, to how you feel now. It is to look around you and enjoy the opportunities and wonders that life gives us. It is to be in love and in awe of life itself. It is to watch then, all your worries and stress fade away...

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

The Truth About Curiosity

THE TRUTH ABOUT CURIOSITY


                          They say curiosity kills the cat, but to me, curiosity can be better than a match in igniting a flame...

                         Have you wondered about anything in your life? Have you ever wanted to dwell deeper on a subject? Have you ever been so fascinated by something that you could hardly describe it, if I were to ask you to try to explain it in words? 

                       To have such a deep level of fascination may be deterring for some, because truth be told, stepping outside of our comfort zone seems like a dangerous leap of faith. But, what is the comfort zone? The comfort zone to me, can be simply be described as the space in which our mind and body is willing to explore. For example, when we are deciding on where we want to eat, we may pick from a selection of options we know will not let us down. We may not be willing to take risks i.e., try something new. Trying something new like a new type of cuisine, maybe even as small as a new restaurant choice may pose as a huge risk for us. Would it not be better to just stick with something we know will not let us down? While I'll agree it is always better to be safe than sorry, avoiding risks can sometimes guarantee the best possible outcome for you; what do you have to lose?, the truth is it is stepping outside of the comfort zone that will allow for us to taste some of the better things in life. With so much to offer, and so little time left, I can say with almost absolute certainty, that if you took one step over that invisible line you drew between your imagination and the possibilities, the sky is the limit. I may not be the best selling author on this subject (yet), but there are very few things that I feared trying that I regretted after taking that initial leap into the faith; into unknown territory; into something that there may be no turning back. What greater thrills in life than that are there?

                  This doesn't mean go crazy and jump off a cliff into shark infested waters. All it means is that if you are curious about something, do not ever doubt your curiosity, for it is your curiosity that may be trying to tell you that your next adventure awaits. Fear, anxiety, our comfort zone, are three criminals in our life that often hold us back from experiencing some of the greatest things in life. I can name a number of people in my life who are afraid to try something new. I used to be one of them. I was afraid of investing time and money into something that may bring me no return. In business, we might call this a bad investment. But sometimes it may be worth putting money into a blue-chipper, or take the ultimate risk, and dump your wallet into a penny stock. You could never know until you try, and although this may sound like it exacerbates our fears around uncertainty...it of often better to live knowing you did not like something, than to live not knowing. I know for myself, I would kick myself if something interested me but I held myself back from the possibilities that it may open up for me.